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grandma shit on top of the toilet
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
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