How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...