My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
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I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.