....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.