Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
