Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny

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  (516): you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny http://tfl.nu/9x6z
  Replies (9) Good night (718) Bad night (3083)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  worst lay ever....

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  as long as you cum, there is no bad sex

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement

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  (403): worst lay ever.... (780): as long as you cum, there is no bad sex (403): ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement http://tfl.nu/cjn6
  Replies (32) Good night (759) Bad night (6827)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.

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  (515): This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking. http://tfl.nu/zh63
  Replies (4) Good night (2558) Bad night (865)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie

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  (318): He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie http://tfl.nu/gshe
  Replies (10) Good night (1052) Bad night (2910)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.

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  (985): Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man. http://tfl.nu/y0hn
  Replies (16) Good night (955) Bad night (5817)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.

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  (715): I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names. http://tfl.nu/wmoo
  Replies (11) Good night (1944) Bad night (774)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator

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  (513): I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator http://tfl.nu/52sx
  Replies (7) Good night (844) Bad night (523)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.

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  (250): Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults. http://tfl.nu/wfm3
  Replies (6) Good night (1594) Bad night (475)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.

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  (410): Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me. (443): Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life. http://tfl.nu/8aep
  Replies (5) Good night (797) Bad night (492)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.

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  (678): She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away. http://tfl.nu/rg5h
  Replies (3) Good night (831) Bad night (367)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.

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  (313): Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club. http://tfl.nu/xqxw
  Replies (1) Good night (617) Bad night (288)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.

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  (616): The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying. http://tfl.nu/6bih
  Replies (1) Good night (639) Bad night (347)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand

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  (757): We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand http://tfl.nu/z1um
  Replies (2) Good night (359) Bad night (296)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good

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  (305): Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good http://tfl.nu/lojy
  Replies (0) Good night (537) Bad night (195)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?

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  (+44): So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew? http://tfl.nu/2jti
  Replies (2) Good night (424) Bad night (126)

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