Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.