I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are