Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.