so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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