I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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