Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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