holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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