i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm at about main and main street
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
