so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
