There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
