my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Alive.
So much puke
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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