We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
