i jhust puked up my retainher.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
handjob tips. give me some.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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