Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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