At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles