Pants 0. Shit 1.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere