JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.