sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂