yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
only you would photoshop your dick
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.