I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
