GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
