I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
