I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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