oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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