Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
