I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
