So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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