dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
