Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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