The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
