There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I FOUND THE LEGS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
