i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
