So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
