the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
