Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
