My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
