Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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