I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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