if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Enjoy the penises
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
