Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
