Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
