I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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