A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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