shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
