dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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