I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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