I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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