erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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