forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
