i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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