good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
