i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What a dumb baby whore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
