arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
