She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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