I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
