we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
