D3 body, D1 cock
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
