make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
