She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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