You don't have asthma, your pregnant
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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