five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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