dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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