i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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