You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
