Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
