Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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