You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
