Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
