Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
