I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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