i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
