I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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