Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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