the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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