If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
