my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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