I just made out with a guy for $7.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
