Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I've blown a few things in my day
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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