You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize