I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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